How they hangin'?

I have been awake for at least an hour or two ... why? Because I kept dreaming that I had three kids. Thing is, the dream would be going along fine, because I would be doing things with my boys, but then, all of a sudden, I would remember "hey, wait ... where is my other child? Wait, did I have a boy or a girl? and what does it look like?" I would be completely panicking all through the rest of the dream trying to retrace my steps through Dream Land, trying to find my lost baby. And of course, Dream Land had its everyday annoyances, like, i came back through one area that Hubby and I had been picking up (in the dream), and he had thrown all of the kids toys into the garage because "well I said to get all the toys up off the floor in the living room". It was like, Hell Dream. Not only had I lost a child, but my husband was there annoying the F' out of me while I was looking for my baby! I then got so fed up in my dream that it "changed channels" and the next thing I knew i was dreaming that i was playing with Little Boy, and I heard crunching, and I looked over and Big Boy was eating a box of toothpicks, which were getting caught in his throat, and he started choking on them and was freaking out and not letting me hold him down so I could pull them out ... great dreams, those.

I was supposed to go out again tonight, and tomorrow night (this is such a rarity for me), but I think that I am going to have to bag out on one or both nights. If I go out all three nights in a row, there is now way in HELL that we will be ready to go to a funeral on Saturday and be ready to entertain family that I have coming through on Sunday. To be more correct, there is no way that I will be able to find clean clothes for myself for the funeral AND have the house cleaned for Sunday. Of course Hubby and the kids have nice clean clothes for a funeral. I could show up in what I wore last night (which was what I wore that day, AND the day before), and that is just about all I got right now. Fleece socks, birks, and my University Sweatshirt from 1991. I am wearing it right now BTW. I am so HAAAWWWWWWT that i give myself (and all others around me) heat stroke.

HOLY SHIT Angelina's boob's are HUGE (just saw them previewed on the That Morning "news" Show). I think they will be interviewing them later on in a segment. They said something about "Angelina's twins..." as the wide-angle lens camera panned over her. I just assumed that they would be talking to her tits. Just the kind of interview that I have come to expect from the That One Morning Show that I ranted about the other week. I sometimes miss my nursing boobs -- but I am so happy to be able to wear my cute little shirts without having to broadcast "I am an E, and 'E' stands for Enormous ... Here look at my constantly expanding BOOBS...". Did I ever tell you that the woman at the Big Bra Place actually brought an F into the changing room for me to try on, and I was so aghast with the idea that I wouldn't try it on? I was standing there thinking that E stood for Enormous, and F stood for F'ed UP.

Are YOU Abilified?

All I can say is WOW.

I saw their May 9th interview on the Today Show, and let me tell ya, the oldest child, looked a little shocked (gobsmacked, perhaps?) by the announcement.

oh, and one more thing ...
have you seen the commercial for the new drug Abilify?

Abilify? Abilify? REALLY? Are you kidding me? Is that the best they can do?
In my mind (and the amusement park that it is) I think the commercial for this drug should go something like this:

Voiceover: "do you find your daily tasks difficult to do because your pesky bi-polar self gets in the way?"

Scene cuts to a lady pacing the floor of an empty living room, having an animated, hand-waving conversation with the three other people in her head. She stops, looks at the camera, and suddenly smiles, as if she has an idea....

voice-over: Abilify can help!

As the voice-over rambles on about how the drug can cause bad breath, loose stools and bulging eyes, the scene cuts to the same lady, out and about shopping, talking on the phone, meeting friends for lunch ... she smiles, and laughingly says,
"Why, I feel so Abilified now! After taking it, Why I have not felt so Abilified in years!"
voice-over: So ask your doctor about what Abilify can do for you!"

same lady on a swing, swatting at invisible bugs says "I've been Abilified, how about you?"
man at a picnic table says "Abilify me!"
lady swinging an ax says "Abilify me!"

WTF? ABILIFY???

Since when do the drug companies get drug name ideas from words that our President probably uses?

"if we send more troops, this will Abilify us to attack the attackers ... "

KLG = going down hill, and FAST....

As I turned my head to address the 300th utterance of "can I have grrrrnola baaaaaar?" from my young son, I saw my favorite Blogstress on the TV screen! ANYWAY, I scrambled to turn up the volume. I was so excited to hear what she had to say to these Morning "news" Show folks. But OH MY GOD the train wreck that ensued after KLG opened her mouth! At the end of the interview, I yelled "WTF happened there?" and I scrambled to leave her a comment (Comments were closed - DAMN!). Ever since becoming a SAHMF'er (the MF'er part I learned from her, waaay back when) I have watched more than my fair share of That Show, and let me tell you, it has basically turned into a very pretty, yet putrified television swap meet. They get the products (or interviewees) set up all perfect and nice ... then the gun shot ... aaand they are off!

HOST: "Today, on This Show we are talking about things that are good for you but can also be bad for you at the same time, and we have Todd here with us to tell us about them."
--professional looking Todd waves politely to the camera
"So Todd tell us about this report I read that states that a person can actually DIE from eating too much fiber..."
TODD: "Well, that report came out 3 years ago and.."
HOST: "So you are saying that people who ate fiber 3 years ago could be dead or dying right now, as we speak? Really? (info-graphic at the bottom of the screen changes from “Fiber? Saint or Satan?” to read “You could be dying right now and not even know it!”). So who should those people contact if they find themselves, or even worse, if they find that their loved ones are dead or dying?"
--Todd, stammering, looking confused, and wide eyed, looks at the neat little table of fiber containing foods and struggles to block the memory of the host winking at him backstage, and tries to regain his thoughts...
TODD: "Well, as i was saying, the data show that the consumption of fiber does not necessarily lead to death, but..."
HOST: "So you are saying that if you buy organic fruits and vegetables, that is better for you? What if you drink fiber supplement drinks out of containers made of Number 5 plastic, instead of the Number 7 plastic, then are you going to live longer?" (insert a spazed out graphic and 5 second film clip of people exercising to Weird All Yankovic's "Eat It".
HOST: “WOW! Fascinating! Thank you for clearing this confusing topic up for us Todd! And on to a more somber note, in the next segment KLG and H will be will be discussing Quantum Theory Mechanics with Stephen Hawking...".

I wish she would have gotten to say more about what she does, and the positive effects her blogging has had on so many people. But positive, and coherent thinking have no good place on Morning News Shows, now do they? Oh well, at least she got to see the Green Room.

bzzzzzt

I have been putting together a post in my head for the past 3 weeks -- and at one point, I actually convinced myself that I had indeed posted it. Uuuuuuuh, no. Now I sit here, with more I want to say, but my brain idles, stalls, and starts flickering on and off like a failing fluorescent tube light.

I just got back inside from finishing several items from my mental to-do list, and once I sit and rearrange my mental "now what the f* needs to be done" list, I will be able to write more. I hope to GOD I will be able to write tonight, because if I go one more day, I will have too much to write, and the circular memory will kick in, and things will start getting written over.

(flicker ... flicker .... bzzzzzzzzzzzzt.....flicker ..... POP!)